Defensive (Guarded Heart #1) Page 4

  She smiled. “I told him that he was way too clingy and I couldn’t date a man in his late twenties who still lived with his mom. He pretended he didn’t understand and tried to tell me about all this money he was saving and blah, blah, blah. I told him to shut up and not to contact me again unless it was work related. He made it sound way worse than what it was and now everyone in the office is saying I’m a bitch.”

  I laughed again. “Imagine that.” I remembered the parent from earlier. “You know, I talked to this parent tonight that was really attractive.”

  “Don’t you have a really attractive boyfriend?” she asked with an arched eyebrow.

  I rolled my eyes. “I was thinking for you. Maybe come by and help with play practice the rest of the week and see if you could meet a responsible, mature man?”

  “I’m sure he was hot but I don’t want a man who already has kids.”

  I was pretty sure that stemmed from my brother. “Well, I guess coming would be a stupid idea then.”

  We ate the rest of our meal, talking about a couple of dates she had been on, but all I could think about was the possibility of being pregnant. What if I was? Would it end the same way as my first pregnancy?

  After we drove to Target, I stood looking at the different pregnancy tests. There were way too many options. I just wanted to know if I was pregnant. I had no idea which one to choose.

  “You okay, V? You look really pale,” Amanda said from beside me.

  “No, I’m not. I have no idea which one to choose.”

  “I say you just pick the one that says it can detect it the earliest,” she suggested with a shrug.

  I looked back at the plethora of tests. “Sounds like a good idea to me.” I really just wanted to run out of the store and pretend this wasn’t happening. The thought of being pregnant terrified me. I couldn’t lose everything again.

  I exited the bathroom after setting the timer on my phone to three minutes and headed for the couch where Amanda was seated.

  “Don’t look so nervous. If it’s positive, it’ll be okay. Jackson is a great guy and he’ll be a great dad.”

  I tried to smile but instead tears formed in my eyes. “I know but what if he thinks I’m trying to trap him or something? It happens all the time with guys in his position. And I can’t...”

  “You’re right. It does happen all the time but he won’t think that. And just because the first—”

  “I don’t want to talk about that,” I cut her off. “You know I don’t like to talk about it or think about it.”

  “No need to get defensive. We won’t talk about it.”

  Just as she finished, the buzzer on my phone alerted me that the three minutes were over. All I could do was look at my phone. I couldn’t move. I wanted to remain on the couch and not think about the results of that test.

  “I’ll go look, okay?” Amanda said softly while getting up.

  She was only gone what felt like a couple of seconds when I felt her wrapping her arms around me. “It’s positive,” she whispered. I just shook my head no. A sob broke from the back of my throat and she wrapped her arms tighter around me. “It’s okay. I promise. It’ll be okay.”

  I cried for what felt like hours but could’ve only been a few minutes. All I could see was me telling Jackson and him accusing me of trapping him in a relationship for his money. Or him telling me to get rid of the baby. Or, even though I didn’t want to let my mind go there, it ending exactly like my first pregnancy and Jackson pushing me away.

  I’m going to be a mom. I’m going to be a mom. Oh my God, I’m going to be a mom. Maybe.

  I must’ve cried myself to sleep because I woke up on the couch to Amanda poking me. “Hey, Jackson’s calling you. I’m going to take off, okay?” I wanted to cry again as I remembered that I was pregnant and hesitated before answering the phone. “You don’t have to tell him tonight. Probably better to do it in person anyway,” she said.

  She gave me a quick hug bye as I answered the phone. “Hello?”

  “Hey, babe. Are you okay?”

  “Yeah, why?” I asked, clearing my throat.

  “You sound weird.”

  “I just woke up when you called. I fell asleep on the couch. How was your game?”

  “Okay. We won. Barely, though.”

  “Glad you won,” I told him, walking to the kitchen for a glass of water.

  “I miss you. I can’t wait to get back.”

  “Tomorrow night, right?” I asked even though I already knew when he would be back. I just needed him to say it.

  “Yeah, it’ll be late, though. We’ll be flying home after the game.” Tomorrow. Wednesday night. I had one day to figure out how to tell him that he was going to be a father. One day to figure out how to make him believe me when I told him it was an accident.

  “I can’t wait to see you, either. I can’t believe you just left and I already miss you.” It was true; I missed him like crazy. Even though I was terrified of telling him I was pregnant, I craved his comfort. I wanted him to hold me and tell me it was all going to be all right.

  “Babe, either something is really wrong or you’re tired. Which is it? I can tell by your voice.”

  I shuffled back to the couch and sat down. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired from play practice with the kids.”

  “Okay, as long as nothing’s wrong. I guess I’m going to let you go, though, so you can get some rest.”

  “Okay. I love you.”

  “Love you, too. Bye, babe.”

  I disconnected the call and threw my phone down on the coffee table. I wanted to scream. I wanted to cry. I wanted Jackson to tell me that everything would be okay.

  Jackson

  I woke up to the phone ringing and then ringing some more when I couldn’t find it on the hotel nightstand. “Yeah,” I said without looking to see who was calling.

  “Jackson.”

  I pulled the phone away from my ear to look at the screen. Cynthia.

  “Yeah. What’s up, Cynthia?”

  “I need to talk to you about something.”

  I sat up a little and yawned. “Okay, tell me.”

  “Remember when I came to see you?” she asked.

  “Yeah. Look nothing—”

  She cut me off. “I know. You’re still with that girl. That’s not why I’m calling. Just let me get this out.”

  “Okay.” I had no clue where this conversation could be headed.

  “I came to see you because I wanted us to get back together, but that wasn’t the only reason. I also needed… to tell you something. I’m… pregnant.”

  “That’s great. Congratulations. Who’s the lucky guy?”

  “You. You’re the dad, Jackson.”

  I rubbed my eyes and tried to shake the sleepiness out of my head because I knew I must’ve heard her wrong. “Umm, what? I can’t be the dad, Cynthia.”

  “Yeah, if you’ll remember, we slept together the night before you left. I’m not a slut. I know you have to be the father.”

  I closed my eyes and gripped the sheets. I needed to breathe. Shit. Fuck… Shit. Fuck. I knew she wasn’t lying. Cynthia was a lot of things but she wouldn’t make this up or assume if there was a chance the baby wasn’t mine.

  “Say something,” she whispered.

  “Wow. I don’t really know what to say right now. Why didn’t you tell me before? You said that’s why you came to see me.”

  “I was so upset when I realized that you were in love with another girl.”

  “Vanessa. Her name is Vanessa and I’m still with her. Nothing will change that.”

  “I understand that. I wasn’t going to tell you, but the more time that’s went on, I realized that’s not fair to you or our child,” she said.

  “That’s true. I’m glad you told me. I just… it’s a lot to take in right now. I want to be involved, though. I mean with the pregnancy and everything.”

  “Everything?” she asked with a hint of hope in her voice.

 
“Still doesn’t change anything with Vanessa and me but, yeah, I want to be involved with everything.”

  “All right. I guess that’s all I can ask for.”

  “Okay, well I have to go, but I’ll call you later about appointments and stuff, okay?” I asked.

  “Okay, bye.”

  I hung up the phone and threw it across the room. Damn it! How in the hell am I going to tell Vanessa that I’m having a child with another woman? I needed to calm down and focus on getting ready for the game. I’d figure out what to say on the flight home. I picked up my phone from the floor, which now had a shattered screen, and threw it on the bed as I walked to the bathroom to take a shower.

  I played okay for having so much on my mind. Luckily, I was pretty good at blocking out everything but the game. During the entire plane ride back to Oklahoma City, I kept going over different ways to tell Vanessa.

  “Hey, babe, I’m having a kid with someone else” or “So you wanna be a stepmom?” just didn’t seem right. I didn’t want to beat around the bush about it or butter her up first, but just spitting it out didn’t sound right, either.

  I marched up to her apartment door and took a deep breath before putting my key in the lock. I opened the door and found Vanessa asleep on the couch with the TV on some infomercial. I leaned down, kissing her softly on the head before continuing to the bedroom to leave my bag. I decided to take a shower first before taking her to bed. I stripped out of my clothes and turned the water on. I let it heat up as my mind raced with how to tell her. I really wanted to never tell her but that seemed like the shittiest thing ever to do to her and the child. Shit. I’m going to be someone’s father and I barely even like their mother. Great way to bring a child into the world.

  I stepped into the shower and tried to will my body to relax. I didn’t want Vanessa to sense any tension or stress. I wanted her to feel like everything was going to be okay. And as long as she understood that nothing would change between us, everything would be all right.

  Just as I was walking out of the bathroom, Vanessa came down the hall. “I fell asleep after the game, I guess. Why didn’t you wake me up?” she asked as she wrapped her arms around my neck and planted a soft kiss on my lips.

  “You looked peaceful and I wanted to shower first,” I told her before I kissed her back. “You ready for bed? It’s really late and I know you have to get up early for work.”

  “Um, yeah. Bed sounds good,” she said in a way that sounded like something was bothering her. I knew it was wrong for me to pry when I had something huge to tell her, but I needed to know she was okay.

  “Babe, are you okay? Please tell me if something is wrong.”

  She grabbed my hand and started pulling me toward the bed. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just really tired.”

  “Okay.” I kissed her head then started turning back the sheets. I laid down and she immediately followed, positioning herself against me, draping one leg over mine.

  “I wish you didn’t have so many away games,” she said. “I sleep so much better with you.”

  “Me, too,” I said as I angled her chin so I could give her a kiss. She immediately moaned and gave my tongue full access to her mouth. I needed to stop this and tell her about the baby but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I had missed her too much to stop. Without thinking, I pulled her body on top of mine and ran my hand over her back.

  “I missed you so much.”

  “I’ve missed you, too, but let’s not talk right now,” she said in an almost demanding tone. She deepened the kiss while her hands roamed all over my chest. I rolled us over and kissed her harder. I wanted her to know how I felt about her so, when I found the courage to tell her about the baby, she would have no doubts about us.

  The next morning came quickly with Vanessa’s alarm clock buzzing. I pulled her closer, not wanting to let go of her.

  “I have to get up. I don’t want to be late,” she said.

  “Fine,” I said before nuzzling her neck. “I guess I’ll let you go to work but I want to see you as soon as you get off work.”

  “Okay,” she agreed before getting out of bed. I watched her walk into the bathroom before I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep.

  After I woke up, I called Ray to see if he would meet me for lunch. Of course, in typical Ray fashion he proposed meeting at Hooters, but I suggested a local diner instead. Nothing wrong with Hooters but I wasn’t in the mood for someone to see me there.

  “Hooters would have been so much better,” Ray said as he slid into the booth.

  “Oh, come on, I bet Roxanne over there could give any girl at Hooters a run for her money.”

  He looked over, eyeing the older lady rolling up silverware before turning back to me. “You might be right. How the hell do you know her name? You into cougars?”

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “You know me. I like ‘em wrinkly.” I lifted my water glass. “Dumbass, I’ve been waiting on you and she gave me my drink.”

  “I saw the game. You played okay but you looked off. What’s up?” he asked.

  I thought I’d played all right but if Ray could tell, then I must not have played well at all. Either way, I wasn’t in the mood to tell him my problems. “Just an off night.”

  “Yeah, I guess those happen. You wanna go out tonight and pick up a couple of girls?”

  I snorted. “First, no. I’m sure you haven’t forgotten about my girlfriend, Vanessa. Second, are you still in high school?”

  “What’s that mean?” he asked.

  “Pick up a couple of girls? You’re almost thirty.”

  “Just because you’ve chosen to become an old attached man doesn’t mean that I have to. I’m still plenty young and I intend to have some fun while I still can.”

  “Your life.” I told him before Roxanne came to the table and we placed our orders.

  “What’s up with you, man?” he asked again. “If I’d known you’d be in such a pissy mood, I wouldn’t have agreed to lunch.”

  I sighed and rubbed my eyes. “Just have a lot on my mind.”

  “Like what? What position to try tonight?”

  I laughed again. Ray was good at making me laugh. “You’re such a dumbass. I have real life things going on. Things that could destroy my relationship with Vanessa.”

  “You cheat, man? We’ve all been there.”

  “No, I didn’t cheat. I wasn’t going to say anything but I need to tell someone. Cynthia’s pregnant.”

  “Why do you care?” he asked with his brows furrowed. Either I was in a worse mood than I thought or he was really stupid.

  “Because I’m the dad. The night before I moved here, we slept together one last time. She called yesterday morning and told me.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah. I’m scared of how Vanessa will react,” I told him.

  “Don’t tell her. Pay Cynthia off to keep it quiet.”

  I looked at him. Why the hell are we still friends? “What’s wrong with you? I’m not that type of guy. If I’m a dad, I’m going to be a dad.”

  Our food arrived and we both ate in silence. I devoured my burger quickly and moved on to my fries. I was going to have to run later and hopefully I’d clear my head enough to calm down and figure out what to do.

  Vanessa

  As soon as play practice was over, I drove over to Jackson’s on autopilot. I tried to think of ways to tell him I was pregnant but nothing seemed right. I should’ve told him the previous night but I was tired and he started kissing me and then that led to other things. I just couldn’t quite work in “oh, by the way, I’m pregnant.”

  I pulled up to his place, sitting in the car and just taking deep breaths. He was a sweet, caring man who also claimed to be in love with me. He’d understand. I got out of the car and walked slower than I ever had in my life to his door. As soon as I put my hand on the doorknob, I thought of bolting and calling him later to say I was sick. I quickly changed my mind, though, knowing he’d rush over to my pl
ace to take care of me anyway.

  When I opened the door, Jackson walked to me quickly from the kitchen. He placed both hands on my cheeks and kissed me. Hard. I opened my mouth, letting him kiss me deeply. I grabbed onto his hair and kissed him back, equally as hard.

  He pulled back after a bit. “I missed you.”

  “I missed you, too.”

  “I got us spaghetti take out. I hope that’s okay,” he said, pulling me toward the kitchen table.

  “Yeah. It smells great,” I told him before sitting down and noticing that he seemed nervous. He was never nervous. Always calm and collected. Even when I had pushed him away because I thought he had been with his ex. Knowing he was nervous made me anxious because I knew it had to be bad.

  He busied himself getting our plates full of the spaghetti and then finally sat down. “Enjoy,” he said before taking a big bite. Something was definitely up with him. Tonight probably wouldn’t be the best night to tell him about the pregnancy. He quickly devoured his meal while I still had several bites left.

  “I need to tell you something,” he blurted. My heart started beating fast.

  “Okay.”

  He took a deep breath. “So… this is going to sound… bad… but it’s not.” He grabbed my hand and squeezed it while I took a calming breath and tried to slow my heart rate. He continued. “Cynthia, my ex, called me yesterday. She’s um… shit… she’s pregnant.”

  I sat there and tried to understand what he was saying. Then it hit me. Hard. “So you cheated on me?” I pushed back and stood quickly, but he grabbed my shoulders.

  “No. I would never cheat on you. Just sit down and let me finish explaining.”

  I sat down as he did the same. He ran his hand through his hair. “Okay, so like I said, she’s pregnant. And I’m the father.” I felt like I was going to pass out. He was having another baby with another woman? I had no words. I couldn’t really even think. “Vanessa, I swear this changes nothing for us. I love you so much and you’re who I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I still feel like I need to be an active father.”